You can’t get something for nothing. Or can you?

The App Store hosts a whole range of freebie games but the question is: are they all toss or are there any secret bargains amongst the bunch? In this two part article I’ll take the top ten free games (as of 08.03.10) and give them a run for their lack of money. Oh, and a toss-o-meter out of cabers only seems appropriate too.

Tap Fish (Pos. 10):
Fish Tank Simulator. Breed ‘em, feed ‘em, buy ‘em, sell ‘em and clean their tank. Essentially you’re trying to earn coins and experience. Max out that tank and any others you may purchase with marine life. This type of game is the new Tamagotchi. I’m unaware if your fish will die if neglected but it only takes a moment to check up on them each day. Nothing too compelling but what would you expect from fish? These water friends ain’t gonna fetch.

Line Up (Pos. 9):
Now this bad boy is a great little puzzler. Simple but addictive. In the same premise as Tetris you need to stop the blocks being generated on screen filling up to the top. You do so by pressing clumps of squares consisting of three or more blocks of the same colour. Lines of new different coloured blocks are constantly lining up at the bottom and as time progresses they push on to the screen faster and faster. With a couple of power ups and savable high scores thrown in too this game is bang on the lack of money.

Tap Farm (Pos. 8):
Farmville?! Is it Farmville? It sure looks like Farmvillie… Isometric, similar controls… Well either way it’s still quite a fun little farming sim. Though 7BitArcade does frown on plagiarism! If it is plagiarism… I mean its not an accusation or anything but they are very similar games. Maybe this came first? Maybe Farmville is the copy cat? Who was the chicken and who was the egg?

“Angela you do realise you’ve said nothing about this game and instead had a ponder fuck?”

Indeed. Well it’ll only kill a few minutes a day but if you like your farming sims this freebie is a good ‘un.

Icey Escort (Pos. 7):
Mother penguin has lost her offspring. Stupid bitch. They’re littered all over the place on raised platforms and such so luckily if you tap the screen the flightless bird will launch herself into the air. She’s constantly moving forwards too so no other controls required. A really decent puzzler and an absolute tonne of levels for the price tag. Excellent freebie. Did you know penguins wear suits too?

Stair Dismount Lite (Pos. 6):
Amusement can be found in the title of this little number. The word dismount implies control but never fear you are just kicking a dummy down a flight of stairs. Watch him roll in this physics game demo. The full installment boasts a whole host of different stairways to try and get your dummy to dismount. The whole thing is in glorious polygon 3D too. However I have a funny feeling this game could be a case of one tactic solves all. The full version will tell if this is the case.

How annoying, not a toss game among them. I was in the mood for a good rant. Maybe the top five will reveal some travesties. Part two coming soon…

Oh no is the first thought that comes to mind when you hear the name Hottie Hookups. Is this game going to be a game endorsed by Paris Hilton that involves you playing the role of a hottie with the principal objective being to achieve pseudo stardom by spreading your legs and making sex-tapes? Well don’t worry, H.H. is not about that even though that game sounds like a David Firth creation in the pipeline. However, I digress….

Hottie Hookups is all about joining up characters within a dance floor environment whilst attempting to keep the so called ‘nerds’ away. The characters that you need to join up, by drawing a line from one to other, are displayed through corresponding colours, however, joining up those with different colours will still attract but will gain you less points.

After joining up your couple by dragging your finger from one to the other, you have to wait a specific amount of time for the two pair to, you know, get it on, hit it off, whatever before they feel adequate enough to get into a suitably colour coded cab and speed off to their obviously colour coded houses. If you get the correct colours in the correct cabs you get maximum points for that couple. In a nutshell, tis simple. HOWEVER.

The nerds are on the loose to stop this from occurring and they are not just any old nerd I tell thee. Big Stack Studios have really put some time into the varying types of nerds that you can have trying to stop your dates. Starting off with your simple nerds that can be flicked off the screen, Rolanda gets added to the fray who has to be physically rolled off the screen by tilting the iPhone, a Mountain Lion who holds your man tight and has to be shaken away. What adds to overall gameplay is that you are not just flicking off the enemies, Big Stack have done a great job in varying the defence mechanisms. Big thumbs up to them there. It is also done with such precision as each flick hits the nerd and it is rather satisfying to see them fly stage left or right. The furries however are my favourite type of date breaker as they remind me of an episode of CSI that turned my stomach at the realisation of what a furry is and does. Moving on.

There are various locations for your hotties to hook up in and they are all based on famous love sleaze spots, Cancun in particular being my personal favourite.

Hottie Hookups is a strong iPhone title with a great style but the only thing that stops me giving it a top notch rating is that I can’t see myself coming back to it. However, this only applies to me as I am not the trophy grabbing attention seeking bastard who loves gamerscores, which is why for those H.H. has some great Open Feint challenges.

If you fancy a game that will keep you occupied for the London to Edinburgh train journey then I do suggest Hottie Hookups as it’s a good solid game and the premise is enough to warrant its purchase.

I will never hire deaf composer again, no matter how much he will pay us!

Above is a quote from the ‘iFun4all’ press release by the games creators, Laszlo Kovács & Fülöp Mészáros. This review will be full of them, so if you like the humour in the quotes you will fall in love with the game.

Review Start Motherf**kers.

You see the word defense in the title, your first thought is, o no, not another tower defense game for the iPhone. I already have Fieldrunners, why would I need another. Well that is where you are wrong as Crap of Defense is not a tower defense game, so like many misconceptions in life, you will realise you are wrong, cry a bit, grovel to the lady who you thought was pregnant as she has a bit around the edge and then buy this absolute peach of a game.

So what do I like the most about Crap of Defense? Is it the fact that they have a Class C swear word in the title. Is it the music that plays whilst the game loads, or is it the cut out graphic style? In a sentence, it’s all of it. For £1.19 this game has kept me coming back for more and I will now tell you why.

C**p (damn censorship) of Defense puts you in the role of a tank operator who has to defend his line against onward floods of enemies. Tower Defense inspired the game engine is, but COD reversed the premise. To repel enemies you have to drag your finger to the area on the playing field that you wish your load to land. The longer you hold down, the more powerful the megaton charge will be, hence the more enemies you will wipe out. This holding down for a more powerful charge can be the key to passing a level or not as the amount of enemies on screen can be ridiculous.

With iPhone devices it is much easier. You can buy them very cheaply from local thieves, especially in summer when there are a lot of rich American tourists in Hungary

There are multiple types of enemies who are out to make your life miserable ranging from fast movers to endurance taking soldiers. thse add a bit of variation to the enemies but at the end of the day, the aim is still to take them all out. AS the game progresses, time limits are whacked onto the levesl, so yo uhave to protect your base for a certain amount of time from these enemies. If the set number of enemies get throgh, then you fail your mission. The premise is simple, which is where the addictive quality lies.

“We believe we are opening new chapter in gaming history”, comments Laszlo just a moments before submitting game to the App Store on a rented computer.

Simplicity is key to iPhone games, when a game developer puts too much on the HUD or thinks that to ‘make it’ on the platform they have to push boundaries, they don’t. But simplicity has to have longevity tacked on to it for a game to be any way buying. A simple game with one level is not worth money at all. COD has longevity as it provides three difficulty levels and a good old survival mode that puts you against endless amounts of soldiers.

Why do developers think using every bit of iphones hardware is necessary to create a good game. Shake this to score etc. What developers should focus on is the core game and to make a strong, unique game. Strong game engine, great music, sense of humour that shows through the games style and language (‘teh tank’) means that I am going to have to whack a full marks on this game.

Competition

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We have a crap copy of ‘Crap of Defence’ to give away as it goes, to have a chance with winning, riddle me this. What number am I currently thinking of, it is between 1 & 1000. Closest wins the game. Comments on this post or Twitter posts with tag #7bitnumber are entered into contest.

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When I first got wind of this game I was giddy like a Yoshi in a Piranha Plant factory. Cooperative 2D Mario platforming. Brilliant. Oh to my dismay as the reviews flooded in slating the failings of the game’s pinball mechanics. Assuming it to be a poor investment the game was never bought. However! Low and behold an opportunity arrived to bang Mario in one sitting and find out for myself if this game play decision nails the coffin on this addition to the franchise. So I gave it a chance to woo me with my fingers crossed it wouldn’t let me down.

So what else is this new Mario game giving us apart from the obvious cooperative play? Graphically you’re looking to compare it to Super Mario Bros DS, a polished 2D look with a semi top down map screen for choosing levels. You can’t fault this decision, the game has a nice shiny look to it with catchy appropriate melodies as you’d expect.

Aesthetics aside, game play rules all in Mario games. Looking back to the SNES oldies we should be expecting secrets aplenty, addictive, progressively harder levels and the potential to master each of them, jumping through them with ease. Also we’re gonna want to see some new stuff too and this comes in the form of new items with a penguin costume and helicopter hat amongst the bunch.

So if we’re thinking single player here then the game really delivers. Admittedly you won’t be able to reach every secret as some have been specifically designed for cooperative play but you will get everything aforementioned. But I know what you’re thinking, if I wanted that I might as well of picked up a copy of Super Mario Bros DS. True but we don’t all own DSs so this might be an opportunity for a Wii owner to get their hands on some 2D platforming fun. Nevertheless the multiplayer needs some attention.

Try two player simultaneous gaming and you will quickly discover the issue of bumping into another player. Any connoisseur of the Mario brand will know the importance of well timed jumps and therefore frustration will ensue when you bump into another character and consequently plummet. Straight off you will realise the importance of working out a system between you and your fellow player to avoid this scenario. With a bit of teamwork in the first two thirds of the game the pinball mechanics aren’t so much of an issue. However the last third of the game is a different story.

The lives system is typical of a Mario game but having more than one character on screen gives you some insurance. If you perish the other person can keep you going and even bring you back into the game. Both perish and its a level restart. The later levels of the game require a more accelerated pace. So much so that taking it in turns to execute jumps isn’t an option. Your best option would be to carry the other person through the level or kill them off at the start and don’t bring them back. Rendering the whole point of cooperative play a bit pointless.

Having certainly struggled towards the end of the game with two players I can only imagine four would be a complete impossibility. It may even make some of the earlier levels completely unmanageable. I cannot help but feel sympathetic towards the difficulty of the decision though. Without being able to interact with the other characters you boycott some of the fun cooperative play that made Little Big Planet so successful. The different depths in LBP eliminated this issue and perhaps Super Mario Wii could have benefited from this. The graphics would of required a serious rethink if this was the case though.

So inevitably the main premise of cooperative 2D Mario is deeply flawed. Maybe it was doomed from the start. Nevertheless the game isn’t a total loss so I’m actually going to give it three different ratings for single player, two player and four person simultaneous play.

Single player gets 4 mushrooms out of 5, another glorious 2D Mario platformer:

Two player gets 3 mushrooms out of 5, two thirds of fun but one third of pointlessness:

Four player gets 2 mushrooms out of 5, marvelous idea but fundamentally flawed, a great shame:

..is like the death of a friend.

So there you are….It’s 10 minutes past midnight, some fox is getting raped outside and your sitting in front of your beloved PS3 just 7000 XP points away from “prestige-ing” on COD MW:2.

You’ve waited weeks for this moment and just as you are blitzing the last few seconds of Terminal…..*beep, beep, beeeeeeeeeeep* The little known, “Yellow Light Of Doom” (or YLOD for short) and your PS3 says it’s last goodbye with a whimpering succession of beeps. Basically the YLOD indicates a major hardware problem, causing the system to refuse booting up until the issue is fixed.

Honestly, It’s like losing a friend, we’d been through a lot together, GTA IV, endless games of COD, Pro Evo and of course who was always there for me when i needed to escape the nagging of my ex? That’s right good old Old P.station. From the day of release there was some kind of weird connection going on between us, and now it is over!

My initial deep sense of dread was toward my saved games. I knew for a fact that every PS3 HDD is formatted on insertion into the machine and is at that point paired with that systems unique ID, in other words that HDD isn’t going into anything else without being re-formatted due to Sony’s overly extensive encryption. So essentially, all my saved games are DOOOOOOOMED! As you can imagine this is a terrifying prospect, with hundreds of hours of Fallout 3 and varying incarnations of COD played through, it was essential I get to the bottom of just what I can do to retrieve my data.

So after a lovely conversation with a Sony representative, who to be frank was about as useful as my PS3 currently; I discover that it is infact “impossible to decrypt the PS3 HDD onto any other device be it PC or another PS3″ This leaves me with one option, repair the PS3 long enough to firstly recover my copy of Modern Warfare 2 and of course vitally, back up my save games in preparation for a new system.

So what do you do with an out of warranty PS3 that according to a Sony representative is “pointless repairing to be honest, sounds like its dead” ?
YOU REPAIR IT YOURSELF!!

This process involves the following:

1 x PS3 complete with YLOD
1 x HeatGun
1 x Sachet of Heatsink Thermal Compound
1 x Torx screwdrivers
1 x Lump of Bravery
1 x Pinch of stupidity
1 x Electronics expert who shares his knowledge on YouTube

Basically in brief what will happen is The complete dismemberment of my PS3, removal of dust etc followed by the re-flowing of the cpu and gpu, basically the main cause of YLOD is the melting of the solder on the main board due to multiple overheating, so the reform of that solder is 99% sure to fix the issue.

So the adventure begins, i’m about to rip apart a loved-one, its like performing brain surgery on my dog. If it works I will be delighted. If it doesn’t I will have A LOT of explaining to do.

Wish me luck

YOUTUBE EXPERT

Max had a marker pen, yes he did, and it was bloody magic.

Anyone who listens to the podcast regularly will know I’ve been crying out for a level basher; a break of sorts from all these open world games. MATMM comprises of exactly that with 18 levels of pure joy. You take control of both Max and his pen (ed: marker spanjj, it’s a marker), negotiating platform elements with Max and solving puzzles with his pen. In order to pass certain parts of the level, you draw your the tools you need. When you realise the potential of the marker the game becomes brilliant.

Max’s marker allows you to draw anything from a set of stairs to a ski lift. You can be really creative in how you solve a certain puzzle. There is no set way of doing a task. In that sense you can compare the game to Scribblenauts. A fundamental flaw of that game is once you discover certain items you can use them to solve most puzzles. Obviously if you’re physically drawing your tools this potential drawback is eliminated. You’ll use the same method more than once but the game will always encourage you to try different techniques.

MATMM presents you with three worlds each consisting of 6 levels. You’ve got Sweet Home (suburban type level), Shiver Me Timbers (pirate ship based) and Robot Factory (mechanical type level). They successfully provide a variety of different scenery and corresponding puzzles. The object of each level is to see it through with alternative objectives including collecting the full amount of light bulb orbs and secret orbs dotted around.

Bashing through levels is certainly satisfying with acknowledgment in the form of unlocking the next one. However I do find flaw with the fact that there is no acknowledgment of finding every light bulb or secret in a level. It would be nice if these figures saved, i.e. yes you’ve done this level but have you got 45/45 lightbulbs? You’re current high score is 42, see if you can find all of them. Currently there isn’t much incentive to find all of them but giving the player the ability to 100% the game might induce this.

Games of this type require really tuned physics engines and MATMM certainly achieves this. You’ll struggle trying to get the game to glitch out, I know I did. All in all the game play is really fun but it is worth noting that the version I played is a review copy on my Mac. The true test will be whether the controls are as negotiable pointing a Wii controller rather than using a mouse. If so this could be a real gem with a very decent amount of game play for a downloadable game. My verdict, bang it, bang Max hard. 4 out of 5 Maxs from me.

Hey gang, I’m back to conclude the epic list of iconic music gifted to the world by video games. Last time I counted down from 10 to 6, and probably pissed off some people with a few left-field choices. Don’t worry though, the top 5 should leave everyone feeling warm and cosy inside, and is probably quite predictable.

5. Metal Gear Solid

Anyone who has played any game in the Metal Gear Solid franchise is aware that Hideo Kojima would probably be more suited to directing sprawling epic films than his current pursuit creating the world’s longest cutscenes in games. Luckily the upside to his cinematic leanings is a beautifully crafted soundtrack to each game that really fits together with the mood and gameplay.

For this list I have decided to pick on the main theme music from MGS1. It is a powerful, stirring and instantly recognisable melody, alternately charged with adrenalin and yet also deep emotion. In my opinion it really defines the essence of the MGS franchise in auditory form and is every bit as iconic as the games themselves.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECjDfQd8QVc

4. Sonic and Pacman

It’s a cheap move I know (and technically makes this a Top 11), but neither game has a theme tune long enough to really class as a tune. They are both really ditties, if that even. Nevertheless, both games are iconic watersheds in gaming history and both have instantly recognisable theme… ditties deserving of inclusion in this esteemed list.

Barely a couple of bars long, each is succinct and totally nostalgia inducing. I really don’t have much more to say about either beyond that they are inclusions which have little to no musical worth in and of themselves (unlike many other pieces in the list) but merely piggy bag to celebrity through the uncontested classic-ness of the games they introduce.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qYziluDD5I – Sonic (its like 10 minutes long but the bit you want to hear is right near the beginning. Finding a clip of just that bit was taking ages so I decided to slack instead.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGy8evJsK0s – Pacman (again, its longer than just the theme, same issue as with Sonic. Silly short themes.)

3. Halo (2)

It wasn’t the first console FPS but it seems like it was the first one that really popularised the genre on consoles, and for many gamers who never played the classics on PC (like Doom, Unreal and Half-Life) it became the benchmark by which all FPS games were measured. It is synonymous with Xbox and, with the almost ubiquitous nature of the 360, it remains one of the most gargantuan behemoths of all gaming franchises. Although I personally believe all the Halo games are vastly overrated (blasphemy, I know), they are still a good laugh in co-op and I cannot say a word against their soundtracks which are both epic and exciting.

The pinnacle of the Halo sound experience is surely the rocked up version of the main theme tune that introduces Halo 2. The more orchestral version from the first game had a great melody and was memorable, but from the moment that guitar starts shredding in the Halo 2 version you just feel an intense sensation of kickass-ness and I doubt you will find many gamers today who wouldn’t recognise this belting tune.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om0M6Ol8FjQ

2. Tetris

Tetris exemplifies the puzzle game genre and is perhaps the pinnacle of the mantra “easy to learn, hard to master” that so many game designers mutter under their breaths between shooting up with coffee and snorting lines of crushed Pro Plus. Just as classic as the game is the music that almost anyone anywhere in the world will recognise as soon as you play it.

No-one can deny this is surely one of the most well known, most remixed and most loved pieces of music in the video game world. The two tracks are equally awesome and nostalgic, but it must be Theme A that is the more iconic of the pair. Listen now to this glorious piece of Cossack composing, in 8-bit and then again covered by a full orchestra.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmCCQxVBfyM – Original

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBmZAg8HxfY – epic orchestral version

1. Super Mario Brothers

As if there was ever any doubt in your mind, there can be no video game song more well known, more iconic than the opening tune from Super Mario Brothers. Although pretty much all the music from the early NES and SNES Mario games was awesome, it is THAT track that I’m on about. You know the one. Probably the most covered piece of music in the world; to make a list of every Youtube video someone has made of themselves remixing or covering this piece of music would require 78 miles of paper. Ok that statistic is made up, but take my word for it when I say there are lots and lots. And lots. ‘K?

There really isn’t anything more I can say, as the song is so ubiquitous that you already know everything about it. Instead listen to it, and think of the long line of gamers stretching back into the mists of antiquity for whom this piece of music is the very definition of GAME.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLEMXt9Lk0E – THE original

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VX5V_9s0Gfw – the same song, but played WITH LIGHTNING BOLTS

We are giving away a copy of ‘Heavy Rain’ the murder opus that is a benchmark for thriller games. To enter, do one of the following:

Twitter
Tweet the following:
@7bitarcade I want to win heavy rain, Chocolate Rainnnnnnn! #7bitarcade

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Join the Facebook group and write:
I want to win heavy rain, Chocolate Rainnnnnnn! #7bitarcade

It is that simple. Do it now> Boring stuff follows:

1 Entrants must be resident in UK and over 18 at time of entry.

2. No purchase necessary.

3. No alternative cash prizes.

4. To enter the Twitter competition you must Tweet “#7bitarcade” during the prize draw week on http://www.twitter.com. If the # has not been used, the entry cannot be considered.

5. Only one entry per person per day into each prize draw will be counted as a valid entry. The Promoter accepts no responsibility for entries not successfully completed due to a technical fault.

6. Closing date for entries is 5pm on each day of the competition. The competition will close at 5pm on Friday 5th March. The winner will be selected by random on Monday 8th March.

10. Winners must claim prizes by noon on Monday 29th March 2010. How to claim details will be provided with winner’s notification.

11. In the event a winner fails to claim a prize within the time limit or is otherwise disqualified from the draw, that prize will be withdrawn and the entry will be void.

12. Events may occur that render the prize draw itself or the awarding of the prizes impossible due to reasons beyond the control of the Promoter and entrants agree that no liability shall attach to the Promoter as a result thereof.

13. Winners may be required to take part in post-event publicity.

14. All entries become the property of the Promoter. By submitting an entry entrants acknowledge and accept these terms and conditions.

15. Promoter’s decision is final and no correspondence or other communication will be entered into regarding the draw other than as specifically contemplated in these rules.

17. The PROMOTER: 7bitarcade, 30 Dean Park Road, Bournemouth, United Kingdom, BH1 1HY The Promoter is a registered data user under the Data Protection Act 1998. No provisions of these terms & conditions shall affect any statutory rights of entrants.

The title is pretty self explanatory. Iconic music from iconic games. We all know em, and we all love (or hate) em. There have been so many amazing games with fantastic music over the years that this list was pretty hard to come up with. There are, of course, some no-brainers; but there are also more than a couple of spots that many of you might disagree with. There will be some inclusions and omissions that will no doubt spark debate and many calls of “hey jackass, you don’t know a damn thing about iconic video game music” from you lovely lovely readers.

I can only hope that your love for me is not ruined by any difference of opinions we may have. Especially you sexy console jockeys who may have missed a couple of the classics which never made it to a Nintendo, XBox or Playstation. PEACE!

Enjoy this run down of positions 10 to 6.

10. Civilization 4

Universally loved by critics and fans alike, Civilization 4 is an iconic PC game from an iconic series, and while previously music was not a really core feature of the game the newest incarnation really changed that with possibly one of the most beautiful and stirring main themes for a game in memory. I have sat staring at the title menu more than once, just listening to that belting tune, and I know I am not the only one to have done so. Featured on the Video Games Live tour (which is a huge orchestra playing loads of classic video game tunes), it is truly a modern masterpiece. Have a listen here and see for yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nb-jk6Ftx7o

9. World of Warcraft

I reckon this might draw some contention, but I like to think I am pushing the bounds of challenging e-journalism here. Or whatever. Ahem. Whether you believe WoW is a blight on humanity or a fantastic and immersive gaming experience, the fact is that 12.5 million people play WoW, a truly staggering audience for any medium. The theme music for a game so prolific cannot be anything else but iconic. Also featured on the Video Games Live tour, which I can only kick myself for not going to see when I had the chance.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-MEuBRMxxI

8. Duke Nukem 3D

I think anyone who hasn’t played Duke Nukem needs to be forcibly reeducated in some kind of concentration camp. He has balls of steel and he came to kick ass and chew bubblegum. Many people forget the original Duke Nukem sidescrolling platform shooter, but I don’t think anyone can forget his far more iconic outing in Duke Nukem 3D. The original video game mysogynistic badass, with an unforgettable headbanging theme which has even been covered by the likes of Megadeth. A true video game legend.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1v5tkJuJ368 – original Midi

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUCbflBkIgo – Megadeth version

7. Bionic Commando

Bionic Commando has come in several incarnations, all of which share the same fantastic theme tune. The 1987 8-bit original had some cracking music and was possibly one of the most difficult platform games ever conceived. It was fiendishly challenging even by the standards of those halcyon 8-bit days when games were meant to last a whole summer, and not just a paltry 8-12 hours over a weekend.

When they remade the game as a 2.5D homage in 2008 they kept all the old tracks and gave them a 21st century makeover, keeping that awesome 8-bit vibe (somewhat reminding me of the last Prodigy album to be honest). The last remake, which was a little more comprehensive turning it into a proper 3D action game, also fully revamped the iconic theme tune into a big swinging orchestral piece with strings and t’ings. Listen to all three versions here and if you have missed out on this classic game, I can’t recommend Rearmed (the 2008 remake) enough.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hl5UCCBCXI – 1987

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1r7TrYZwJ0 – 2008

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBzJrrBLrJ0 – 2009

6. Portal

Portal is without a doubt a watershed moment for gaming. Beyond its fantastic mind bending physics and amazingly stark yet nuanced form of narrative delivery, it is almost certainly most remembered for that fantastic tune which accompanied the credits, if you got that far. Of course, even if you didn’t, the song (called Still Alive) was so amazingly prevalent on the internet in the months following the game’s release that you almost certainly have heard it. In fact I have to admit, the way I discovered the game was because the song was everywhere. I heard it, loved it and then wanted to find out about where it came from. I have never looked back. Listen now, if you haven’t already, and then go play this game.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6ljFaKRTrI

That about wraps it up for the first (and in many ways more exciting, less predictable) half of the iconic music video game  Top 10. Be sure to let me know what a douchebag I am for omitting your favourite games in our handy comments section.

“a game that you can play for hours and not realise the time”

Games that I am aware of the fall into this category are Infamous (hours go by running around zapping pedestrians), Borderlands, Mass Effect (o, it’s night time outside), Theme Park (I have no time for friends,i have to get rid of the rats in the rollercoaster); I think you get the picture.

Artist Colony is a timesink game, so do not be surprised if you eyes are stinging and you realise that you have to be up for work in 2 hours when you finish playing.

A casual sim is what it is, so the game has you doing a variety of tasks. Feed your artists, keep them inspired and help them find love or heartbreak. If you are thinking ‘The Sims’ for the artistically inspired then you are on the right track.

The aim of the game is to bring more artists to you colony, which starts of being empty until ben and Dylan arrive to turn its fortunes around. The game is clever in the way it teaches you the integral aspects of the game, by only giving you access to two characters at the start. This learning curve is what makes simulation games succeed, if the controls and objectives are too complicated then one does not stay with it.

The central game mechanic is to keep your artist happy, and keep them as far away from depressed as possible, we don’t want any artists without an ear. If you keep your artists happy and inspired then they will create an artistic example from their chosen medium. That’s right kids, not all the artists paint in Artists Colony. We got dancers, musicians, sculpturers’ to add to the mix but this does not mean that you treat them differently.

Inspire your artist, and then they will be more than willing to create one of 550 masterpieces that the game has at its disposable. With these masterpieces, you then have to sell them to keep the colony running, making sure that those artists are well fed. You can’t create on an empty stomach. Elvis knew that.

The premise of the game is great, that is if you are a fan of People Simulation games, such as The Sims, maybe Dungeon Keeper. This is not a Command and Conqueror, you are not gathering your artists together to lead a charge.

Quick sum up

Controls are tight, there are no instances of being unable to pick up characters and move them around. However, sometimes the game flicks between characters when you are trying to move them in the opening phases. This is to progress the supposedly ‘engrossing’ story in the opening stages.

The graphics are great and the artistic style compliments the game idea perfectly. My main complaint with the game is a large one. When there are games out there that allow you to completely customise what people in your simmed world look like, work and act, why would you want a game that restricts all of this to art.

If the game interests you, then buy it, don’t hold back as it is a strong example of the sim genre, but if you are expecting any surprises to be thrown at your that aren’t on the advertising, then walk away now.